Paris’s elephantine problem

GAUHATI, India: In what is arguably one of the most bizarre stories to hit today’s wires, Associated Press has reported that conservationists on Tuesday have hailed socialite Paris Hilton for apparently trying to highlight the cause of binge drinking elephants in northeastern India.

According to the report, activists said a celebrity endorsement was sure to raise awareness of the plight of the pachyderms that get drunk on farmers' homemade rice beer then go on a rampage.

“There would have been more casualties if the villagers hadn't chased them away. And four elephants died in a similar way three years ago. It is just so sad,” Hilton was quoted as saying in Tokyo last week.

Hilton of course has no idea where Meghalaya is. She has, however, expressed a desire to try some of the moonshine.

“The elephants get drunk all the time. It is becoming really dangerous. We need to stop making alcohol available to them,” she said in a report posted on the World Entertainment News Network Web site.

Maybe Paris should try a similar tack among her addled friends on the Hollywood has-been circuit.

According to the report, while welcoming Hilton's interest, another conservationist said elephant alcohol abuse was just a symptom of the real problem.

Looks like Elephants Anonymous is just round the corner. We really must get these elephants to deal with their emotions in a reasonable manner, rather than trying to find solutions at the bottom of a bottle. Of course we might find it a smidgen difficult to get an elephant to stand up and say: “My name is Dumbo, and I am an alcoholic.”

Hilton recently announced plans to do charity work in Rwanda for the Playing for Good Foundation, but the trip was postponed until next year.

We reckon that was due to the fact that...well...she just couldn’t find a good nightclub in Kigali.