3 killed in Finland school shooting

HELSINKI, Finland: At least three people have been killed today in a school shooting in southern Finland, the Ilta Sanomat newspaper reported on its website. Police confirmed there was a shooting at a school in Tuusula, some 50 kilometers (30 miles) north of the capital, Helsinki, but declined to give details.

Diary of a Lady - 11

The ignoramus who runs what he thinks is a tight crystal ship has just rejected one of my entries. The reasons cited included the following words: self indulgent and deluded. The rest I have conveniently forgotten. The only way to survive is to let people yap on. It keeps them happy and gives them a sense of purpose. The captain is at his happiest when he's lecturing me on my many vagrant habits.

But the captain is as deluded as I am. He immerses himself in the quest for knowledge; he assumes it makes him a more enlightened being. But it's a pointless quest, when we don't act on the knowledge acquired, when we settle for mediocrity, instead of competing with the enlightened.

I am happy with my delusions. I see the worms and cobwebs in my head for what they are. And no, at no point did I say that Garth Brooks was a yodeler.

Captain's Log: The Crystal Ship's executive officers mulled over whether Spellcheck should be relieved of her columnist duties, but have decided, in all their wisdom, that even the most banal of writers must be given an avenue. Even if it is only to showcase the other talent on the blog.

Joke of the Day

A woman enroled in nursing school is attending an anatomy class. The subject of the day is involuntary muscles.
The instructor, hoping to perk up the students a bit, asks the woman if she knows what her asshole does when she has an orgasm.
"Sure!" she says, "He's at home taking care of the kids...".

Things you don’t need to know about Brooks

• Is married to Country star Trisha Yearwood (seen in picture).
• Is obsessed with brushing his teeth. Claims to have over 80 toothbrushes in his house.
• Earned a degree in advertising.
• Admitted in a Barbara Walters interview that he had cheated on his wife repeatedly when he went on tour.
• Born on the same day as Bon Jovi keyboardist David Bryan (Now that fact was pointless).
• Is now selling his music exclusively through WalMart after splitting with Capitol Records back in June 2005.
• Martina McBride sold T-shirts on his tour, before she had hit it big.
  

The King is dead, long live...errr...Garth Brooks

Elvis’s record of being the best-selling solo artist in history has been broken by country star Garth Brooks, who has taken over the ‘best-selling’ mantle. Brooks has sold 123 million units in his career (Elvis sold 118.5 million). The Crystal Ship, however, could find no one who had actually listened to a whole Brooks’ album. Resident Ship columnist, Spellcheck, when asked if she knew of Brooks, stated, “Isn’t he that yodeling, Western singer?” To the best of my knowledge the 10-gallon-hat-wearing yokel has never yodeled, but I wouldn’t put it past him.

Brooks told us (actually he did it, but for all intents and purposes let’s assume that he did), "This award reflects the magnitude of the country audience and what they can accomplish when they act together."

And he’s right too...just look at the Iraq cock-up.

Ladybird books for the 21st Century

These were was sent in by Da Doo Ron Ron and should be required reading for all thos little bastards.

Joke of the Day

A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynaecologist. The doctor takes one look at this woman and all his professionalism goes out the window.
Right away he tells her to undress. After she has disrobed he begins to stroke her thigh. As he does this he says to the woman, "Do you know what I'm doing?"
"Yes," she says, "you're checking for any abrasions or dermatological abnormalities."
"That's right," says the doctor. He then begins to fondle her breasts. "Do you know what I'm doing now?" he asks.
"Yes," the woman says, "you're checking for any lumps of breast cancer."
"That's right," replies the doctor. He then begins to have sexual intercourse with the woman.
He says to her, "Do you know what I'm doing now?"
"Yes," she says. "You're getting herpes."