Joke of the day (this one’s for Mr Beckett)

After hearing a couple's complaints that their intimate life wasn't what it used to be, the sex counselor suggested they vary their position.

“For example,” he suggested, “you might try the wheelbarrow. Lift her legs from behind and off you go.”

The eager husband was all for trying this new idea as soon as they got home.

“Well, okay,” the hesitant wife agreed, “but on two conditions. First, if it hurts you have to stop right away, and second...” she continued, “you have to promise we won't go past my parents' house.”

How much?!

Talk about expensive desserts. The Fortress resort in the city of Galle, Sri Lanka has created a dessert that costs $14,500. The sweet dish called The Fortress Stilt Fisherman Indulgence is a gold leaf Italian cassata flavored with Irish cream, served with a mango and pomegranate compote and a champagne sabayon enlighten. It's decorated with a chocolate carving of a fisherman clinging to a stilt and an 80-carat aquamarine stone.

According to the resort the dessert has to be specially ordered. No one has ordered it yet...I wonder why.

Editorial cartoon of the day

Excellent one from Stuart Carlson at the Milwaukee Sentinel Journal

Page-I-Nation

The redesigned Style and Arts page for the Washington Post shows that you don't need 20 pictures on a page to make it eye-catching. Brilliant use of visuals and an understated palette give the page an elegant look, that brings it closer to classic Courant. Designers take note.

Poem of the day

E watch'd her breathing thro' the night,

Her breathing soft and low,

As in her breast the wave of life

Kept heaving to and fro.

So silently we seem'd to speak,

So slowly moved about,

As we had lent her half our powers

To eke her living out.

Our very hopes belied our fears,

Our fears our hopes belied--

We thought her dying when she slept,

And sleeping when she died.

For when the morn came dim and sad,

And chill with early showers,

Her quiet eyelids closed--she had

Another morn than ours.

— Thomas Hood

Shane’s at it again

Shane Warne and his ex-wife Simone (pictured during slightly happier times) have split for good after Warnie sent her a text message meant for another woman.

The message, which read, ‘Hi beautiful, I’m on the phone with my kids...the backdoor’s open’, was sent to Simone rather than the ‘woman’.

I presume Warne — who recently reconciled with his ex-wife — was not meant to be fooling around. Simone sent back a reply, which read: ‘You loser! You sent it to the wrong number’. Warne has— like every good man should — denied everything.

Of course everybody knows the danger of having too many numbers on your phone, especially when you’re a philandering horndog like Warne is. Damn those mobile phones.

Hail to the chief

Halo 3 is set to hits stores at midnight today and Microsoft is hoping to make a whopping $150 million in first day sales alone. That means Bill Gates will get richer, parent $70 poorer and kids 100 per cent dumber as they sit on their obese buttocks killing everyone in sight.

And speaking of Halo, what’s the buzz on the film version? Well, Halo fans can rejoice as the film is slated for a 2009 release. It’s being helmed by relative unknown South African director Neill Blomkamp and penned by Alex Garland who wrote the brilliant 28 Days Later and The Beach (I will refrain from mentioning the horrendous film version of the latter).

Guillermo del Toro was set to direct until he pulled out to do...errr...Hellboy 2. Wise choice moron. Hobbit-lover Peter Jackson is executive producing and the cast has not been decided on. Russell Crowe for Master Chief?